Soothing and Compassion-Focused Activities When You Have ADHD or a Developmental Condition

Many self-care lists suggest “take a warm bath,” “meditate,” or “sit quietly and breathe.” If you have ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) or other developmental conditions, you may already know the frustration: these activities can feel boring, irritating, or even increase restlessness. Instead of calming you, they can push you into drive mode (over-doing, striving) or threat mode (restlessness, self-criticism, stuckness).

This blog offers compassion-focused soothing that actually works for people whose brains don’t switch off with stillness or silence. The goal is not to force calm, but to help your body and mind shift out of threat/drive modes in a way that makes sense for you — without asking you to be someone you’re not.

Why “Typical” Soothing Doesn’t Always Work

For many people with ADHD, traditional relaxation strategies feel like another task or another thing to fail at — increasing stress rather than reducing it. This isn’t lack of effort or discipline, it’s a nervous system that craves engagement, predictability, rhythm, or novelty rather than empty quiet.

What we need instead are activities that signal safety and caregiving, but in ways that resonate with brains that don’t settle by default.

Compassion-Focused Soothing Activities That Can Work for You

Here’s a list of activities designed to help your nervous system feel safer and less threatened — without relying on stillness or quiet that feels unbearable.

Rhythmic Movement That Soothes

Movement that is predictable and continuous can down-regulate stress systems.

Try:

• Slow walking with a favourite playlist or podcast

• Repetitive stretching or gentle yoga flows

• Light cycling or swimming

• Seated rocking or swaying

Why it helps: Rhythm signals safety and helps regulate arousal.

“Occupied Rest”

Rest doesn’t have to be empty. It can involve something that engages your attention without pressure.

Examples:

• Listening to an audiobook you’ve already heard

• Watching a familiar comfort show

• Doing a puzzle, colouring, or simple crafts

Compassion reframe: You’re resting with your brain, not forcing it into stillness.

Sensory Soothing With Control

Pleasant physical sensations can calm the nervous system if you choose the input and can stop when it feels too much.

Ideas:

• A weighted blanket or firm pressure from a heavy sweater

• Pleasant smells (coffee, citrus, essential oils)

• Soft fabrics, tactile objects (putty/kinetic sand)

• Warm drinks held with both hands

If something irritates you — stop. Soothing should feel safe and manageable.

Structured Self-Compassionate Talk

If affirmations feel cringe or empty, use neutral compassionate language instead of performance-based positivity.

Examples:

• “This feels hard — that makes sense.”

• “I’m overwhelmed, and that’s allowed.”

• “I can slow down without failing.”

You don’t need to believe these fully to benefit — hearing them repeatedly can change how your nervous system responds over time.

Predictability and Routines

Predictable patterns reduce uncertainty, which reduces stress.

Try:

• A simple evening routine (even if it’s short)

• Eating familiar meals

• Using the same mug or chair as a “comfort object”

• Checking off tiny routine steps (even just one)

Predictability = safety signals your system understands.

Low-Demand Connection

Soothing doesn’t require intense socialising — connection can be quiet and parallel.

Examples:

• Sitting in the same room as another person

• Sending memes or short messages instead of long conversations

• “Body-doubling” — doing separate tasks in shared space

• Listening to familiar voices (podcasts, recordings)

Connection — even low-effort — can reduce threat activation.

Creative Activities Without Goals

Creativity can be powerful when completion isn’t expected.

Examples:

• Free doodling

• Playing with sound on a keyboard or app

• Making mood boards or playlists

• Writing a few thoughts (no essay required)

Creativity here is process-based, not outcome-based.

Budget-Friendly / Low-Cost Soothing Ideas - Soothing shouldn’t be expensive.

Free or Very Low Cost

• Walking routes you already know

• Library audio/e-books

• YouTube playlists: ambient, body-doubling, familiar shows

• Timers for paced breathing (no app needed)

Low-Cost Purchases

• Second-hand weighted blanket or sweatshirt

• Stress balls or putty

• Comfortable socks or slippers

• Notebooks just for scribbling

Using What You Already Have

• Re-watch/re-listen to favourites (novelty isn’t necessary)

• Make a “go-to safe list” for tough days

• Use familiar objects as comfort anchors (mug, blanket, chair)

When Your System Is Still in Threat or Drive Mode

Sometimes soothing alone isn’t enough — especially when you’re exhausted, overstimulated, or burned out.

In those moments, compassion might mean:

• Reducing expectations instead of adding tools

• Letting yourself stop early

• Noticing numbness or restlessness without judging it

You’re not failing. Your system may just need less demand, not more effort.

Soothing isn’t about fixing yourself or becoming calm on command.

It’s about offering your nervous system signals of safety and care in ways that make sense for you.

You don’t need to force stillness or silence.

You just need approaches that respect how your attention and emotions actually work.

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References:

• Mindfulness and attentional training: Mindfulness Meditation Training for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Adulthood: Current Empirical Support, Treatment Overview, and Future Directions reviews evidence that structured mindfulness training can improve attention and emotional regulation in adults with ADHD, particularly when tailored to avoid boredom and frustration.
  (Zylowska et al., 2008; see full paper for treatment overview and future directions.)

• Self-compassion and criticism: Self-compassion and Perceived Criticism in Adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) finds that adults with ADHD often experience high self-criticism, and that self-compassion is associated with lower perceived criticism and reduced emotional distress.

Additionally, the concept of soothing emotions through safety cues and caregiving systems is well outlined in resources like:

• The Power of Soothing Emotions (BalancedMinds — discusses emotion regulation and safety cues): https://balancedminds.com/the-power-of-soothing-emotions/

• Building Self-Compassion — Self-Compassionate Behaviour (CCI WA — practical exercises): https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/Building-Self-Compassion/Building-Self-Compassion---06---Self-Compassionate-Behaviour.pdf